Are you really raising a child on your own?
Raising a child vs. Single Parenting
I hear a lot of women say they are raising a child on their own, I once thought the same thing, but I had to count my blessing from each and every person that helped me with each one of my children and I asked myself: Am I really raising this child on my own? So are you? Think about it. We often forget about all of the contributions we receive daily in a child’s life and not to forget the mother that is raising the child all of the moral support she receives from a friend, books she read and even church and church groups. Money does not always fix problems; we also need mental stability to deal with everyday life. What about the hands that chips in when the parent need help or better yet financial support for the child. What about the family and friends and let us not forget about teachers, who have to be with the child majority of the day. As a teacher in the childcare industry I realized working in a daycare is more than most people think. When the child goes to school, the teachers have to comfort the crying child and promise them momma and daddy will see them after work and witness a child beaten, not properly clean or not receiving the love and care they deserve. I would leave work feeling bad for some of the children and worried. Teachers are considered mentors in a child’s life. I was in class once and my English teacher told a student, by his actions he will never amount to anything and this particular student said he hear this at home everyday, he shrugged his shoulders. What kind of mess is that? A child is formed by a community of people, whoever they are around and been exposed to, rather television, radio, or the streets. If you are a single parent but still have some sort of connection with the other parent, when your children are with the other parent or other family members, for weekends and summer vacations and even one day, they are also helping contribute in the bringing up of the children and that is also considered raising them. You might say to yourself, but I do not receive help for my child/children, what about for some people receiving something from the government (Is that help?). What about child support (Is that help?). For a moment just think about it, we are not raising these children on our own or with no help. We often receive help every day. 1. We have God. 2. We have ourselves. 3. We have family, friends, and teachers. I believe that is how the triangle of life goes. Count your blessings, thank the people in your life that make a difference by helping you, be grateful, and be gracious and loving.
Being a Concerned Parent
Now being a single parent is different, in my opinion it means the child lives with one parent and will not see the other parent either on occasions or not at all and if you are not receiving funds from the other parent for the child. Even if you are a single parent or raising a child on your own take my advice and follow the two steps I live by with my kids:
Never speak negative about the other parent to the child (parent vs. parent)
I was raised with a woman who I often viewed as a superwoman, I saw here holding it down, from cooking, cleaning, and working and raising me. The only thing she did I did not appreciate was talking about my father as if he was such a dead beat. I would go off by myself and often time blame myself for him not being around, my mom would often time say before they had children he was good, but after the children he changed. I do not agree with parents what I call bad mouthing the other parent, I know in our mind we know how bad of a person they are, but guess what just like you and I, people change. Maybe the parent was not raised the way we were or maybe that man or woman saw their father or mother walk out their lives so that is pretty much all they know to do. It took my daddy to be dying with cancer before he realized and apologized. I never once hated my father but he thought I did. Even when my mother talked so harsh about him, I still loved my father. Most children are not like me, if you talk about the other parent bad, they soak it in and hate the other parent and never forgive and forget even if the person change.
Be Opened Minded
Understanding that children have feelings too, can help improve the process of them understanding they are still loved by the other parent and it is not their fought. I too had to sit down and finally have that talk with my children and I explained to them their father still loves them and will see them soon. Now how could I prove that, well they still kept in contact with the father if it was able to be obtain, if not I would just keep encouraging my children to pray for their father and pray that God will one day let their father call them and it always worked.
I came to conclusion when my father and I sat down when I was 19 years old and told me why he left and was not in my life, yes I had questions, I wanted to know, and he was not scared to tell me the truth, and I really appreciated it. I realized I had to forgive him and move on and I felt better. Don’t never let it be to late with your children, allow that child if necessary even through court if the parents do not get along with you still allow that child to be in the other parents life besides it is not hurting you but it is hurting the child.
